Lily's Story

Four years ago today, in Shantou, Guangdong Province China, a baby girl was born. This is the earliest picture I have of her. She was teeny, tiny and had black hair. I would have loved to have held her in my arms and comforted her but that wouldn't happen until she was 16 months old. At the time Lily was born Jason and I had what I considered the perfect life. We had four kids 2 boys and 2 girls. We had just bought our "dream house" and life was pretty picture perfect. In early January when Lily was five days old and taken to the orphanage I was busy working on our new house. My biggest concerns in life were what color to paint the dining room and how cute I could decorate my kids bedrooms. As the orphanage staff examined Lily they discovered that she was born with a birth defect called imperforate anus something the majority of us have never heard of. Basically it means that her anus wasn't formed properly in-utero and she would need to have surgery to correct the condition. I am fascinated with accounts of American women who have had babies born with this condition and what their reactions were. This isn't something that is detected in a routine ultrasound so it comes as a complete suprise to most parents. Most parents are shocked and few, if any have ever heard of this birth defect. It just isn't something that people openly discuss. I have tried to imagine the circumstances surrounding her birth and wonder what her birth mother/parents thought when they discovered Lily's birth defect. I simply don't know how they reacted, but I am sure they were shocked and stunned.

At this same time a wonderful adoptive mom wanted to find out more about her daughter's orphanage. Through a series of miracles she did the impossible and was able to gain access to the Shantou Social Welfare Institute. That visit changed her life forever when she was asked to help a little baby boy who was suffering from a serious heart condition. She came home wondering how she could ever help the baby but couldn't get him out of her mind. She eventually raised the money to pay for his surgery and saved his life. After that the orphange told her about more children with medical conditions. Lily was among those children and as a result of this woman's generosity Lily received surgery in August of 2003.

At this time our youngest daughter Anna was 17 months old. We really wanted to be done having kids but deep down we thought there might be one more. One day in church I had a prompting and had tears streaming down my face. Jason asked me what was wrong and I told him that I knew we should have one more child. Little did I know that one month later we would be out shopping when we would meet a woman and her adopted Chinese daughter. They had only been home for 2 days. This woman kept trying to talk to us and I kept trying to ignore her. Finally we struck up a conversation and we learned quickly about Chinese adoption. The idea to adopt had NEVER crossed my mind, but within 10 minutes I knew I had a daughter in China. Jason felt it too and we went straight home and began researching agencies. Within a week we had started the process. Meanwhile, Lily's file was sent from the orphanage to the Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs.

Jason and I were adamant that we would only adopt a healthy child. After all, we already had four kids and that was work enough without having to deal with health issues. I spent a lot of time on Yahoo adoption groups and one woman posted frequently. I soon realized that she was LDS so I became interested in her posts. Soon she announced that she had been looking for a baby that she had heard about who was missing her hand. It was a beautiful story and I hung on every detail and update. Our adoption agency, Heritage, had this little girl on her list. I kept looking at her picture and telling Jason that we could adopt a baby with a missing limb or some other minor special need. He still wasn't leaning in that direction but I was being more pulled that way as I followed this story.

One Sunday night I was in bed resting while Jason and the kids were watching TV. I read a post from this woman saying she had gotten new information on her daughter. She barely mentioned the little girl who slept in the crib next to her little girl, but said that she was available for adoption on Heritage's waiting child list. Heritage was our agency and I knew instantly that this baby was our daughter. I quickly had Jason read the post and we decided to call our agency the next morning. Our agency tried to get us to look at a couple of other kids on the list but I knew Lily was ours.

Three months later we traveled to China to pick her up. The moment we met her was one of the most meaningful experiences of our lives. Words can't describe how it felt to pick up this tiny and scared little girl. When I held her for the first time I felt that my life was complete.

Lily is the greatest miracle of my life. It is no mistake that she is in our family. Lily is very aware of her circumstances and that she was without a mommy for 16 months. She will often say to me that she cried for her mommy and that I took too long to come and get her. She understands that she was carried and delivered by another woman but that I am her real mom.

People often times say to us that we are so wonderful to have "saved" Lily from a hard life. I will concede that Lily's life is 100 times better for being adopted. She has access to the best medical services, she has a mom and a dad, grandparents, brother and sisters and she has the gospel. But in all honestly Lily didn't need to be "saved." She has been given so many amazing talents and gifts and perception beyond her years. If anything, she saved us. Because of her our eyes have been opened to the suffering throughout the world, to people who are lonely and the "least of these." It is humbling and an honor to be her mother.

Having said all that, Lily is still a kid and a strong-willed one at that. Perhaps the strongest-willed I have ever seen. She is one determined little girl. She has brought us great joy and great stress. Our lives would be SO boring without her.

Happy birthday Lily! I'm so glad she was born and I'm so glad she was sent to our family.