I first heard it in September 2005 when I went to visit Jack in the orphanage a few months prior to our adoption. They had brought Jack out of his room into a common area where there was loud music and quite a few people. He was screaming and throwing the biggest fit I have ever seen. I knew I was in trouble then. It happened again in November 2005 when we adopted him. We were in an airport in China and I handed Jack off to Jason while I went to the bathroom which was located over 300 feet from where Jason was sitting. I could hear the scream inside the stall inside the bathroom. It was so loud and lasted so long that the security people ushered us through a special line reserved for pilots and stewardesses, just so they wouldn't have to hear it any longer. Over time the duration of the scream has been reduced but the volume remains the same. I just don't know what to do about it.
Yesterday was a picture perfect day. We woke up to blue skies and sunshine, something that has evaded us for weeks. When we saw the weather Jason decided to skip work so we could take the kids skiing. We headed up to Schweitzer and had a great time. Our friends the Hubers and the Rolands were up there too so everyone had a friend to ski with. Jack got cold so I took him into the lodge to warm up. Jason and our friend Phil had Lily and Anna and eventually brought them inside as well. Jason and Phil wanted to take a few runs without the little kids so I had all three inside with me. By this time Jack and I had been in the lodge for at least an hour. As I said, he's a screamer so we had some screaming going off and on. After Lily and Anna arrived on the scene we had more screaming as little arguments broke out over our limited entertainment which was car ads in the paper and a pack of licorice. Nothing out of the ordinary and I took it all in stride and even managed to have a conversation with my friend Alice. Soon Jason arrived back on the scene and we gathered up all the boots, skis, etc to return to the rental shop. Alice started a game of rock, paper, scissors with all the kids. Jack loved it and was shrieking in excitement.
Next thing we knew a freaky albino man with a missing arm emerged from the dishwashing room that was right next to where we were sitting and screamed at Jack, "Shut Up! I just can't take it anymore. I've been listening to that scream for two hours and it's driving me crazy." All of us just stared at him, especially Jack. He didn't know what to think. I calmly said to the man, "It drives us crazy too." Everyone in the entire place was staring at us. Lily and Jack were so funny. They walked over to the dishwashing room and stood in the doorway, just staring the guy down.
So, what do I do? I don't know. It was like a little wake up call for me and I woke up this morning and started reading "Raising Your Spirited Child." Jack definitely fits the mold.
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14 comments:
Andrea - the picture is perfect! It has been one of my favorites since becoming a mom - most of the time I envision it with me being the screamer. I am so sorry you had someone be that rude to you!!!!! I had a similar experience this summer at Yosemite national park when Halle and Sean both decided to have a tantrum because Dad and Chad climbed up a rock and I wouldn't let them. They didn't stop until Dad and Chad came back (20 minutes later). I was very flushed and embarrassed as it was, it didn't help for some old guy to come over and tell my kids off in front of me and every other tourist that was there. And it certainly didn't make them any quieter. Unfortunately I haven't found the solution - I just hope all these experiences are helping us grow in some way. I certainly have a lot more patience and understanding with other peoples kids now!!!!!
Have you ever thought about Homeopathy? It helped my girls when they were little. And it is very common down here.
Wow on responding so calmly to the man. I'll take a screaming three year old over a socially obtuse adult anyday.
"The Spirited Child" was a most helpful and comforting book when I read it. One of my favorite parenting books. It's nice reading about personality similarities and knowing you aren't alone in your frustrations.
As for the screaming, I've got nothing but accolades to you for your efforts! Hang in there!
You should have Eli read the book for you. I am sure he could give you some good pointers. Ha Ha!
I may have lost it with the man. Umm he really has no idea. I am also impressed you handled it well. I have heard that book is great. In fact the first time I had heard about that book was from Lucy's SIL Tara. Hang in there....hopefully it will be outgrown soon?
I think you handled that extremely well. I know it's not ever fun to be pointed out in public though.
I'm glad you had fun skiing:)
Wow, that man has some nerve. I just can't imagine doing that to someone. I would have probably just moved closer to where he was and let the screaming continue :) (I can be a little stubborn)
I too have heard good things about The Spirited Child book.
Have a great week!
Thanks for posting on my new blog! I was sorry to hear about what happened. One of my girls, used to scream/cry constantly - especially as she hit 18 months. Her frustration level was enormously high. Her mind thought she could do more than her natural development would allow her to do, and she acted out physically and verbally. She was so stifled developmentally and socially in the orphanage- I felt it was her way of saying - Listen to me! Maturaty was our best defense. The older she gets, the easier it is for her to express herself with words. She will still take the easy way out and throw herself down with a good scream, but I can reason and talk with her now. It's all way to complicated - but worth it!
we have a screamer too. our 3 year old. my friend gave me that book. i didn't read it.
i am almost afraid to fly with the fear we will get kicked off the plane like that recent mom
it is interesting because i do get used to it and feel for the people around us and have to remind myself that it must bother people more than me... but, our society is used to having everything the way we want it and want it fast, so i don't think we are as tolerable of each other. i don't worry about the strangers anymore and i don't worry about me doing what i have to do to help her get out of the scream mode in public.
i know this is not making any sense and i am tempted to delete it, but won't and just say. i have a screamer too..
i keep telling my husband that we need to take her in to see a doctor about it.. he just laughs at me.
You handled that well. I wish I had some advice, I have one who whines, he is going to be 12 soon and we never have rewarded his behavior and had hoped it would end by now. Just today I told him maybe I will have to use soap in the mouth each time he does because nothing else has worked and I am at my wits end?!
I heard that book was a good one, I need to read something too. Hope you find some answers. {HUGS}
There's nothing like a socially-inept-albino-amputee to make one realize how lucky she reallt is.
I tried to comment before but for some reason it wouldn't let me. So here I go again. :)
I think you showed a lot of grace and class with the way you handled the albino amputee...JERK...you set a great example for your kids.
As far as advice...I'm not sure I have any. None of my kids are screamers...that would be me! ;) The books I read are "Raising your Defiant Child"!! Help! But I think Jack screams as his way of dealing with frustration. As he gets older and discovers other more appropriate ways to express and deal with frustration he will stop screaming. Hang in there!!
I can't believe Jack and Lily stared him down! I would have peed my pants and cried. And I am somewhat older and bigger than them.
Oh my...I did not know if the little scary man actually said that to your family or if you were decribing what you were feeling. Either way, I just want to hug you right now! It can be so hard to deal with public outbursts but what can you do? You are a terrific mom. I am sure many other parents felt your pain in the room.
I used to worry more about what other people thought than I do now. I realized it was crazy for me to worry about other people thinking I was a good mom than what my own heart thought. (In other words the other people may have wanted you to stop the screaming but how do you do that? Yelling doesn't help? It only makes the child more upset as we all know.)
It is so hard to be in the thick of it and think straight sometimes, for me anyway! Kudos to you...
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